The Training of the Humans

A subtle meow to my dear readers,

A very welcome to my jot. As you know the regular writer has given me permission to write; or rather I had demanded that I write this post. We cats always get our way.

My name is Tigertje, and I am the grand dame of all cats. You see, I am already 24 years old. You may think that it is young, but do try multiplying it by seven to get my real age in human years. I am then 168 years old. My life story is as long-winded and fascinating as I am. Although I now live with the kind people in the Netherlands, I am actually French. I was found by the roadside on the French pastures by vacationing caravans 24 years ago. My mother was dead and she left a litter of kittens; all of whom were my brothers and sisters.

The humans had roast chicken with salad and potatoes on their arrival Thursday evening. I was so glad to see them. I was wondering if they were ever going to turn up. 

We siblings were all fortunate in that the owners of each caravan took us in as a pet. However we were all separated as a result and till this day, I never saw my siblings again. My owner and his family took me back to Holland by caravan and I lived with them for 18 years. I had a good life, and after those 18 years, they decided to move house. I do not know what humans are capable of thinking; sometimes their minds seem irrational to me. They left me in an animal shelter. Yet I was only in the shelter for a couple of weeks before I was adopted by my kind Mama and jovial Papa.

Providence has a way of working itself out. These humans turned out to the former neighbours of my previous owner and off I was to a new neighbourhood which Mama and Papa had moved to. I have been living with them ever since at the Nile Crocodile Road. 

Now I have gotten very old and I get cranky when I do not have human attention. I was a diva in my prime so naturally it takes perceptive humans to serve me. So when my Mama and Papa went for a holiday in London, they got their son and daughter-in-law to cat-sit me over the weekend. That was fine for me and I looked forward to seeing how I could get things done by way. Different people can be manipulated in different ways. What works for Mama and Papa might not work with my new proteges. 

They arrived on Thursday evening. I was very happy to see them as I had been alone almost the whole day with the exception of the neighbour’s visit to feed me the previous day. On Friday, the Brainless – yes, I would call the daughter-in-law that. She had no experience in taking care of cats. So I decided to teach her for a bit.

Gentle Giant initially wanted to make chicken fillets with butter filling ; famously called Philadelphia chicken based on the brand of the company. Yet he was too lazy to do so afterwards and opted for roasted chicken instead. I thought laziness was meant for us cat species only for my Mama and Papa were never lazy.

First I was angry with her because apparently she found window-shopping more entertaining than a cuddly cat like me. She left the house in the morning to Middenwaard, a shopping complex some fifteen minutes away. The Gentle Giant – that’s what I call the husband – sent her there by car. She was to walk back but alas Brainless got lost and arrived home half an hour later than expected. Upon reaching home, she had to check on whether or not I was still alive. She went charging up the stairs to my sleeping couch – that’s where I sleep very soundly indeed although I tend to sleep at a few places during the day. She just had to yell at me.

“I’m home now. You can come downstairs.” She said.

As if I would after her abandonment of me. So I carried on into dream world. To tell the truth, I am also a little hard on hearing but it's just a secret between you and me. Brainless then had lunch consisting of sushi and salad in the garden. I could smell the tuna from the bedroom, but I enjoyed the comforts of my chair too much to leave the room. 

At four in the afternoon, she fed me with my organic chicken pate. She gave me half the packet and I gobbled it all in one go as I was very hungry. Brainless seemed happy that I was eating the food.

On Friday morning, the first of September, the couple had omelette with bread for breakfast. This time the Gentle Giant was not so gentle with the frying pan for he practically burnt the bottom of the pan black while preparing this!  After breakfast he had to rush for work and left poor Brainless with the scrubbing of the pan. It didn't work either as the pan was just too black. Brainless then soaked the pan with washing liquid for the next two days and nights. I would say she got a little lazy here. 

Brainless had a web-cam session with her mother on Friday noon which proceeded in animated conversation. I wanted to make myself shown on screen and I sashayed past the screen showing my good figure. You would see that I am a handsome cat. I am not fat like most cats in this neighbourhood. I am slim and look great for my age.

Yet, I must have eaten too much. Half an hour later, I threw up right on the kitchen floor in a big puddle. Brainless complained to her mother about me. She got some kitchen paper to clear up my mess and then used washing liquid to wipe the floor. She complained that I was a naughty cat.

Well, and I meowed to her that I had a very delicate constipation. I can’t be blamed for that, can I? Have some compassion for my nerves.

The Gentle Giant came home for dinner. They had pizza because Brainless was too brainless to do any cooking in an unfamiliar kitchen. They watched the telly after dinner and I could see that Gentle Giant ought to get some exercise because his belly was bulging out offensively from every point of view. He calls it a prosperity belly akin to the Laughing Buddha but I call it a hot water bottle ready to explode.

Brainless loved the outdoors and would spent hours on end in the garden provided that the sun was not shining; or barely shining. She had an issue on getting too tanned. Friday noon was perfect for her as it was partially sunny and very windy outside. Beats me why she would want to freeze while having her salad; which was also cold food indeed!

I can never understand why humans act the way they do. In fact why would they want to serve me?  

The show that they watched that night was called “The General’s Daughter”. I was not interested and sought to distract them by walking on their laps; above their heads from the back of the sofa and right in front of them. I purred on them. I wanted to be petted, to be fawned upon and to be the Queen of the Night. And rightfully so, I got what I deserved. You see, the way is to act like you deserve it, and then ultimately you will get it because you are so confident of yourself. Instead of watching the telly, they should have watched me for I am the General's Daughter; if not by blood - by strength of character. 

While they were staying here, I functioned as their wake-up call. Every morning at about eight, I would purr at the door until someone opens the bedroom door. With my Mama and Papa, it is very easy. They wake up when I purr and open the door for me; letting me jump on the bed to be their lamp post. Come on, after all, they already had the whole night together! Gentle Giant and Brainless really tested my nerves. They slept through most of my purring and wouldn’t let me come in. Brainless said she was terrified of cats jumping in on her when she was in bed. Gentle Giant was too gentle to say no to his wife.

Sushi which Brainless had on Friday noon. Why, she did not offer me any. I would have love d the tuna seaweed wrap. 

They fed me a few times a day on that particular Saturday. I shall always remember it because I really felt like the Queen Victoria. I meowed and purred every two hours in the morning for food, and then in the afternoon, I drove Brainless crazy by meowing every fifteen minutes for food. She must have fed me ten times on Saturday afternoon itself while the Gentle Giant lazed on the sofa playing Final Fantasy on the computer. Guy, you’ve got to move it a bit! You’re not a cat, you know. You can't afford to sit sixteen hours a day.

I did not throw up because I was satisfied and because I ate smaller portions throughout the day. Now here is a diet tip. If you want to retain a figure like mine, you’ve got to snack throughout the day. Eat big portions and you will be throwing up like me.

They had a barbecue on Saturday and I could smell the aroma from the barbeque stand. It was nice being in the garden and I pestered Gentle Giant to give me some meat which he did. I am not vegetarian. I eat chicken meat and pork too. I wanted to lick the pan after they had finished their meal but they wouldn't allow me to, so I sulked and went back to sleep.

Look, I am famous enough to be represented in the Page a Day calendar . I did not charge them any modelling fee - this is my one regret till this very day. 

On Saturday night, they had pork pate for dinner while watching the telly again. This time some criminal show - “Criminal Minds” I believe. They slept late that night, even later than I. After the show, both used their own laptops. Gentle Giant found a sort of scratch-smudge on his laptop screen and asked Brainless about it. She said she didn’t know how that ugly mark got there. Gentle Giant tried to clean it up with a cloth and it worked.

Suddenly Brainless got her brain functioning. Alas, it was not in my favour so no plus points for her there. She hit bulls’ eye when she said that it was all my doing. I had purred my head at the computer screen and got my … ahem…saliva there. Well, it is nice to be reminded of me, no?

The garden of Mama and Papa is bright and cheerful in summer. You can see the cosmos - a type of aster species of flower and bramble berries climbing from the fence. Brainless loves to photograph the cosmos flowers and eat the bramble berries. I cannot fault her for her enthusiasm. She just roars with energy; flipping about the garden like a crazy puppy.

She did yoga, stretching exercises and leap frogs all on one sunny Sunday morning and as a result of that, woke the whole neighbourhood up with her clumsiness; and gave herself sore thighs to last another week.    

Come Sunday morning, I woke them up an hour later because I was dreadfully tired from sleeping late with them the previous night. They retired to bed at one am while my Mama and Papa usually go to bed by ten pm.

I finally got to go into the bedroom and pounce on the bed, courtesy of Gentle Giant minus his wife, who was already in the garden doing some leap-frog exercises. Very clumsy and making so much noise as if the sky was going to fall. She even got herself stung by a wasp who thought that she was a flower because she went too near flowers in the garden for photography. She also got herself pricked by a rose thorn all in the pursuit of photography. How silly.

“Darling! There is a bee on my hand. I don’t know what to do!” She yelled.

Salad for the couples' barbecue lunch on Saturday noon. They decided to take advantage of the good weather that noon itself instead of waiting for dinner time to barbecue. It is common knowledge to every human and cat species that the weather in the low lands is unpredictable. 

At this point of time, she could not distinguish between a wasp and a bee.

Gentle Giant was slow to respond as the blinders were down and he had to get dressed properly before he went out to the garden, as this neighbourhood is not very private.

By the time Gentle Giant came to his wife’s aid, the wasp had already flown away.

“Sorry darling, I had to find something decent to wear.” He said.

Brainless now had a numb right elbow. Strangely enough, she said it wasn’t painful despite the fact that the wasp had used its hind legs to poke into her skin, making up and down gravitating movements for some time as if drilling a hole into her skin.  

I'm trying to look pensive and melancholic here. I want to look like those brooding cats. This makes me very musical, no? I learn from the human world too. I see that musicians and people of artistic capabilities often brood. So can I, and what more, my eyes are bigger and starrier than human eyes. I do it better than any of you, no?

Later they had lunch in the garden. Again with the Gentle Giant cooking up a meal while Brainless did the brainless jobs of cutting tomatoes and nothing more. Brainless has his philosophy of not touching things which she is unfamiliar with. The Gentle Giant is more adventurous but can be very slow like a sloth. Together they make quite a pair, but I dare say they match each other perfectly.

They went out for a walk to the Park Van Luna; literally translated as the Park of the Moon. This is a place where there is a park integrated with an artificial seaside. This is our neighbourhood’s newest development. Thereafter they had dinner at a Chinese restaurant before finally returning to the house to check on me; and of course to make sure that I do not starve to death or die of boredom. 

My lovely garden outside where I can go in and out as I please any time of the day. Normally I take a ten minutes walk daily; no more and no less. I am no spring chicken, you know. 

My Mama and Papa arrived home soon after. I was delighted to see the dear old lady and her husband. Yet, maybe I’m getting a little too old for my liking. I am now sentimental. My heart was heavy to see Brainless and the Gentle Giant go home. I hoped that they liked me enough to come back for another trip.

I heard from Mama that she would like to go to France end of this month so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the young couple will be back to my path of pampering and treating me the way I, the grand dame, ultimately deserves to be treated. I am not a bad cat, I am just a cat with attitude with a capital "A". 

Meow, meow and may peace be with you,

The grand dame,

September 4^th, 2012  

       

Almere Jots

Wat tan hor from my regular Malaysian shop in Almere. The chef told me last year that he does not make any Malaysian food. Now he said he does because there are many Malaysians in Almere. I am glad!

Park at the Clock-a-doodle-doo (seriously this is the name. In Dutch I am unable to spell it...something like Klokkedudelplein) square where I do my studying on Thursdays in Almere.

Enjoying the breeze and greenery with the fountain at the front...yes, it is barely visible in the photo. You can only see a sprout of water, but there is actually a big lake in front of all these shrubs. I was sitting down on the bench, that's why...

Pleased to say that our bonsai has many leaves again; having recovered from totally "botak" (bald) from the heatwave one month ago.

Bird Alert in Almere

I am officially bird friendly ever since I could remember. Since I came to the Netherlands especially, I feed birds; notably seagulls, ducks and geese at our local park. I was comfortable in nature and enjoyed listening to the chirping of  birds. I liked it when birds perched on the branches of trees chirping away while I sat below the tree relaxing.

Yesterday was no different. Taking advantage of the good weather, I sat reading in the library garden. I had reading for half an hour when I heard a bird hopping towards me. It was a pigeon with somewhat ruffled feathers like it had just been in a fight. This bird hopped right up to my feet. 

Although I considered myself bird-friendly, I was now threatened by this gesture because its eyes were piercing into mine. It also hopped towards my bag, looking at it. I opened my bag to see if I had any cereal bar which I could feed it with. So happened the big eater in me had no food. So back I went to my reading, trying to ignore the bird. 

Yet the bird refused to bulge. So I had to bulge. What I did not like was the staring eyes of the bird. Before I left the garden though, I took a photo of the bird since it was so close to me. After taking the photo, with no flash, this bird suddenly gave out a loud "caw" sound and flapped its wings full stretch and lunged towards my thighs. 

I screamed with the impact. I did not expect the bird to actually attack me. I ran with my bag out of the library garden. For better or for worse, nobody heard me because I was the only one in the garden. 

Before I left the library, I felt it was my civic duty to inform the library staff that there was a predator on prowl in their garden. I explained to the huge, burly security guard about the bird which attacked me. I told him also that I believed it could not fly because it lunged only up to my thighs and not higher. Probably it was so hungry that it had to attack people for food. I also saw its mate, a darker bird on the ground, hiding under the stairs of the garden. 

The security guard laughed at me. Either he was amused by my experience or he did not believe me, I do not know. I felt like one of those straight-faced comedians who do not see the joke in it. Well, well...at least I had informed the guard. The next time someone else gets attacked, however mild - it is still an attack...not a physical one, but a mental one. Quite a shock for I thought most birds were shy with humans. 

Who knew such a little bird could be so fierce? 

Or just maybe I should come armed with a packet of snacks, not for myself but for hungry predators. This is vital to protect myself from unwanted advances...from those small, piercing and chirping ones. I live to tell the tale...

Of course I am exaggerating the last sentence. Mind you though, the rest of the story is true! 

April - May 2012

April was a month full of activities for us. We celebrated Easter at my in law's place. It's a traditional Dutch meal of hard boiled eggs, bread and butter.

While the family cat, Tigetje looks at us from his cozy home...

April was also a time when tulips finally came in bloom...although in this photo, I think they are the bluebells in the foreground, and the pink ones are tulips.

The tulips in my garden balcony have blossomed!

April was a month of lots of bread. Made plenty of tosti.

May 3rd was my big 3 0 birthday. We went for a romantic trip to the Black Forest in Germany. The views were lovely. Here is the Triberg waterfall.

We had a meal at an Italian pizzaria, and this is what I had - pork fillet, fries and salad.

This is the view from our apartment-hotel. Initially we thought we were going to get a hotel room but they gave us a spacious apartment unit. It was a pleasant surprise.

The view of the valley from the mine mountain in the Black Forest. They mined silver here.

A dinner provided by our hotel. We could not choose our dinner as everything was already pre-planned. Glad to say though that everything was delicious.

Me at the ruins of the All Saints Monastery on the German High Road on the way back to Holland. We had made a detour going through the countryside instead of straight to the highway.

The imposing ruins.

We hiked to the monastery waterfall which was part-ravine, part cliff and lots of steep stairs.

We had this bacon bread on the way home - it was really hard but tasty.

This was our lunch together with the bacon bread. We had irregular meals while travelling and lunch was at 4 pm.

The view of a village from the mountain.

It was a wonderful 30th birthday celebration. We arrived home in Holland after 3 nights and 4 days. The Black Forest was a big difference from flat, tame Holland. Everything here was rugged and wild.

Assam Laksa and Church Tower in Utrecht

On Friday, I went to the city of Utrecht, the medieval Roman town with many churches. Surprisingly though, in one of the shops there, I chanced upon Assam Laksa Maggi Mee made in Malaysia. I felt like it was a sign. I just had to buy a packet. I have never seen Assam Laksa Maggi Mee sold in Holland before.

The St. Martins' Church had a beautiful courtyard.

The tower of the church was imposing. It dominated the whole city. Houses paled in comparison.

The tower loomed over the streets wherever you are.

At night, I made...guess what? Assam Laksa for dinner. Heerlijk...that's what they say in Dutch - meaning delicious!

Humorous Philosophical Scribbles on Pen and Paper

Last Friday, I sat down and did some whimsical jottings on the sofa quite in the dark with only the standing lamp on. It was nearly sunset and the sun shone through the side window and onto the front rattan chair. This straight ray of light made only part of the living room light up. I was inspired. One part was in darkness whereas the other part was lighted up.

I wrote down some humorous quotations which came into mind. Lately I was worried about being absent-minded and forgetful. Hubby and I also caught the flu fever last week. Glad to say that we are already better. So I wrote stuff light stuff which I strongly believe in though. Life must be viewed from a humorous point of view. No point being too serious!

Man is a thinking creature, but has the liberty not to think...So sometimes when I am just not in the mood, I'm like a buffoon. I have to bear with myself. Brain activity only 5 % today; come back tomorrow after full battery recharge for optimum usage of brain.

Not knowing is great for the philosopher...there are so many things that I do not know. The future; in which direction does it go? Whatever the answer, let's just say it's every philosopher's passion to ponder over the meaning of life. Once its meaning is found, philosophers will have no work to do. They will be lazy bones instead.

Failing is another way of saying I love to put in extra oil  in my car engine and use it all up...there are never too many times which one can fail. Failing is strength training without the sweat comparable to a car engine which exhausts all its oil but manages to drive the extra destination anyway. At least it is going somewhere. Nobody can fault you for that ridiculous effort, and should you fail, do fail splendidly, then you get the depths of it; understanding why you failed. This paves way for enlightenment to success.

Inspirations from Animals

Dear husband and I went to the Amersfoort Zoo on Monday, March 19th, 2012. Initially I thought of going to a castle, but hubby preferred to walk in nature. It was by far the best experience with animals that we had in the Amersfoort Zoo. Every time we observe more and see the beauty in their eccentricities. We are by now couch potato animal experts. Here is what we saw. 

The brown bear reminds me of hubby when he is asleep in the mornings. Let him wake up gently on his own, otherwise he will bite! Like this bear, with its head on the big boulder, he tries to get as much sleep as possible, stretching time to its limit. Nothing could wake this bear up.

This swamp mouse is looking for his girlfriend but he cannot find her because she is so well camouflaged, just like he is!

Could not resist a wooden cart with bulbs planted inside. Imagine it filled with flowers in summer! How lovely...just waiting for the extra oomph factor. The twigs and shrubs upon the brick walls heighten the rustic atmosphere.

This magpie is balancing itself only on one leg. Anyone for a yoga tree position? Benefits? It goes without saying - balancing body and mind...

Look at all the fur these chicken have on their feet. It made me wonder if they were wearing a suit on top. I guess it kept them warm during winter.

Getting obese is no fun as you can see in this rabbit's eyes. May I suggest a diet of only two carrots a day, dear rabbit?

Who is going to jump first? Every penguin is waiting for the one brave show-off to go first....

Penguin see, penguin do, after all. Splash!

Baby rhino just loves to look at people watching him. Mama rhino is oblivious to the attention, looking instead over the bushes for something to eat!

Yes, it really is a dinosaur in the woods.

He blends in so well with his surroundings.

This dinosaur has chicken pox!

These two dinosaurs have hit their heads hard enough on each other till they become bald!

The giraffe, antelopes and birds live in harmony with each other in the desert as one big happy family.

A meerkat is sitting all alone waiting for his family to come home...

When they are home, all of them look at the direction of what brought them away in the first place. Human attention is the culprit!  

Tree with acorns at the zoo. They stood out in the sunny skies.

It was one of those rare sunny days. I enjoyed seeing the contrast in sky and tree.

We were at the zoo for four hours. We enjoyed ourselves a lot. We liked the fact that every nook and corner of this zoo were full of surprises. They love their ruins here. They had a Roman garden and Japanese temple ruin where animals roamed. Glass mirrors were built so that people could get a real close look at the animals as opposed to the more conventional island over water method which most zoos incorporate to separate animals from humans. That way, animals are seen only from a distance. 

I also liked nature here. It seemed friendly and approachable. The trees were every day trees you see in the forest. Because of the familiarity, I felt very much like I was in a pine forest where animals roamed wild.